It's that time again, I am completely sad and all I want is that I could live my old life back. I want with my son be, I just want to have a family again. I've searched again another family, so like 30 years ago when I ran away from my regular family inside. It is a pity that it has come back so far after I've worked for 15 years that it could be different.
I had a family, my son was born in 1999, at 09.01. I can remember as if it were yesterday. And I'm sad. What has my life to give me yet, except that I judge it so, as I believe is right. And I imagine it does not like my parents or the general average. I have depression, I have always made too many compromises, I have never been independently made. I have always pure squeeze out. And I bear this life no longer without the right helpers. I must now return to the helper address, which is also unfortunately more effective than if I had to stick to any people who know nothing of shit anyway life, just live a modest, orderly, unassuming life.
I'm from out of my sorrow not. It is tolerable if I'm stunned, but when I come back to a certain point of clarity, I have emotional pain that I had not earlier in life. Since I had also achieved nothing I could do without. But now I've destroyed a family, after I had a family life as a child you would not describe as such now. I sit alone at home, wake up alone in bed, go to bed alone, can speak with anyone because no one is there. The only thing that keeps me going, that is the English Garden and my Mitverlierer having at least a little understanding for each other.
But even there, there is the large narrow-mindedness, you need not think that just because one has long hair or illegal stuff now and then makes that is not stuffy. I think there are the opinions are not drive less, than the common man in Germany. But at least we have this in common that we are losers of society.
I would like to do something, achieve something. I would like to show people that there is much more vivid addicts, as "active" citizens who walk just like zombies through life. Sometimes you just need a change of scenery, you need an escape. But that no one understands. You have to feel bad in Germany, if you can not afford a hundred percent, this is a must. Because you can not live even with joy, because you can only crouch and walk around with a bad conscience, because it is itself to blame. You have to just not be hanging like that, everybody is working hard and everyone has to pay and taxes. And it is not even thinking, you can stop everything as somehow run as long as you have a little money. I will rise up against it, I want a life worth living for the thin-skinned, I want to be treated like everyone else, I'm just as much value as anyone else.
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